now i know what you want.. something REAL..

 i figured it out after reading my bestfriend's blog. maybe you think that's something i can't give you..because i can't commit.. but i feel like even if we haven't been together officially for the longest time, that i have been committed to you and to what we have.. i'm not sure if you ever felt it, if you believed in it.. but no matter what you think.. i know i did.. i tried my best to make sure things will work out the way we want it to and maybe it's not enough..

 

time flies fast.. i hope the same for all the pain and sadness..

Posted by katutay on May 18, 2009 at 10:34 PM | shaddap

yup..i really do.. i hope you're always okay.. I still think about you, how you are, how you are feeling..what you're doing, where you're going.. but it's all good now.. it is getting better..

 

but i guess i just really want to say.. i miss you..

 

 

Posted by katutay on May 14, 2009 at 02:37 AM | shaddap

be strong..and take courage. FIGHT!

Posted by katutay on May 9, 2009 at 02:58 AM | shaddap

"kat.. let go na.. yung talagang LET GO ah.. yung gagawin mo yung mga bagay kase gusto mo ng di mo iniisip kung kamusta sya or kung okay lang sa kanya.. maging selfish ka naman.."

        -- pano ko ba sisimulan gawin 'to when i still can't bear the thought of what has happened to us.. di ko pa din makita yung sarili ko na gumagawa ng mga bagay ng hindi ko icconsider kung ano maffeel mo or iisipin mo..but like what i've said before, masaya ako na okay ka na,na going out and having fun ka enjoying new stuff and getting to know new friends or reconnecting with old friends..  somehow you've managed to focus on being okay than being sad.. ako din naman i think may progress din sakin, not as big as yours though hehe ngayon di na ko nag eexpect ng reply pag nagttxt ka tas mag text back ako, tanggap ko na din yung pabigabigla mong di nag rereply kahit minsan feeling ko kareply reply namna sya mababawa pero sa kin big think kase somehow nagigng detached na din ako sa isa sa mga nakasanayan ko dati.. mostly about you and me pa din..but in time sana yung para sa sarili ko din, alam ko yun din gusto mo for me..

 

natatakot ako mag let go..kase baka maging indifferent ako sayo.. pero i think pareho na tayong may indifferences sa isa't isa .. siguro kase way natin yun para wag masaktan lalo..ngayon ko lang na realize, sobrang madalang na ako ung mauunang mag text, kung di ka pa siguro magttxt matagal na tayong di tlga naguusap.. ikaw naman, mag ttxt pero limited din and all of sudden di nag rereply.. pero yun ung nakita kong progress sakin na at least di na ko nageexpect, kung meron okay..kung wala okay na lang din..

sana makakita din ako ng mga new friends,new activities na pagkakaabalahan and a new outlook in life.. i'm amazed how far you've come after everything we've been through..sa totoo nakakatuwa at nakakabilib,though dati pa naman sinabi mo na mabilis ka tlga mag move on at mabilis ka din masanay..siguro kanya kanya din kaseng personality eh..kagaya ko na sing bagal ng pagong bago makalimot hehe but i'm hopeful.. dapat..kelangan eh

 

nakakapagod malungkot, nakakapagod magisip..sana gaya mo dumating din yung time na comfortable na tlga ako sa idea na mag kaibigan nalng tayo.. mahirap..ang hirap tlga na dapat wag ako maging overly caring, worrier kung okay ka,safe ka ba,kumain ka mga stuff na ganun.. sana yung chill at normal na kaibigan lang tlga..pero matatagalan pa siguro yun.. pag dumating yung time na yun, alam ko babalik yung dating happy moments na meron tayo..

 

 

 

 

work mode na ko..ba yan dumadrama kahit nagttrabaho hehe hay life. Thank God is always there to give me strength..

 

I always hold on to Your Word o Lord.... "The best is yet to come.. you have far greater plans for me"

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight..

 

 

Posted by katutay on May 8, 2009 at 02:01 AM | shaddap

that whenever you're busy you don't get to think of the things that bother you or make you feel sad.. is lying. haha. BITTER eh?

 

but seriously.. it's amazing when i have things to do..but still all i can think of is that one thing..i guess.. someday we'll know..

Posted by katutay on May 7, 2009 at 10:52 PM | shaddap
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